Tips to Raise a Happy Child

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Happiness is not just a feeling but it is a learned skill. How can I make sure that my child grows up to be a happy person? 

Here are a few tips on teaching them how to be happy.

Psychologist and author David Palmiter says to consider gratitude. It’s hard to be happy when you can’t appreciate the good things in life. Teaching kids how to be grateful. One easy way to do this is to go around the table at dinnertime, having each family member say something that they are grateful for.

Exemplify this concept by being generous to others and openly grateful to those who are generous with you. Kids who see gratitude and graciousness being modeled for them are more likely to cultivate traits like optimism, a common characteristic of happy and well-balanced people. 

It is observed that kids who live in happy environment with joyful parents tend to be charming. So as parents never miss to smile oftenly. We get so endorsed in our day to day stress that we have long forgotten the child we use to be. We have the golden opportunity to relive our childhood with our children. Hugging , cuddling and simple phrase like I love you, should be practiced oftenly throughout the day. Always appreciate them for their little achievements whether it be as small as doing brush on their own. When someone appreciate us we feel good and motivated as well.

Teach kids that happiness is a choice and that if things are bad, they can be changed. Let your kids see you focusing on the positive aspects of a situation. Try not to brood or over-dramatize when things go wrong. Allow your children opportunities to see how fortunate they are. Service to others is a great way for kids to see that they have a lot to be thankful for. Expressing thankfulness is important, too. Have kids write letters to friends and family members telling what they appreciate about those people. 

 

Psychologist and author Lee Hausner advises that parents be careful about how they define “happiness” for their child. Choosing to indulge a child in order to make him or her happy in the moment can ironically lead to profound unhappiness later in life. Kids who are never told “no” tend to grow up with a sense of entitlement and subsequent poor coping skills. If they don’t get what they want from an employer, friend, or spouse they will become unreasonably upset and may struggle with finding genuine happiness in their life. Instead, focus on fostering your child’s sense of confidence and competence. They should feel loved regardless of all else and they should feel that they are inherently good enough to accomplish their goals and to be successful. This should be balanced out by an understanding that disappointments are inevitable, and can be recovered from. To underscore the important role parents play in helping their child to grow up as a person who has the capacity for true happiness, you’ll be as happy as your least happy child.

 

There is a chain reaction - Happy Parents= Happy child= Happy citizen= Happy society= Happy region= Happy country= Happy world and for this chain to go on your inner world should be happy first. So don't break the chain. BE HAPPY AND SPREAD HAPINESS.

 

GOOD LUCK ! 

Positive Self Talk: The Magic of the Mind

Self Talk is what We say to ourself about ourself and our abilities. It could be very constructive or destructive on the other side . Self talk could go on and on day in and day out reinforcing the image we have for ourself. We could be very self critic because we feel that by being self critic we are improving. But no , we are not improving instead depleting our energy and then once we start living in that negative comfort zone we get  used to it.

For example , when we witness demise of our beloved , we get trapped in the comfort zone of sadness. We have all justifications to be sad. We find it right to be sad because breaking it and coming out needs efforts . So instead of breaking out and creating something new , we start becoming comfortable even if it is painful . If that goes on for very long time we don’t even think that it can ever change and that’s why most of the time people say its my nature. There's a difference between habit and nature. Habit is acquired nature of who I am . But to the acquired habit we say this is my nature which means I cant change…don’t even ask me to do this. This is me, because I have lived in that comfort zone for a very very long time. So its very important to break free of this comfort zone, by continuously giving positive affirmations and having a positive conversation with us. Instead of continuing a pattern of negative self-talk, break the cycle and learn how you can change your outlook on life with positive thoughts that increase your self-esteem.

Understanding self-talk

Take a minute and think about what you’ve said to yourself today. Was it critical? Or was it kind and helpful? How did you feel after you engaged in this inner discussion?

Your thoughts are the source of your emotions and mood. The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life.

Think of self-talk as your inner voice. While you may not have focused on it before, you’ve practiced self-talk throughout your entire life. It’s the running commentary always going on in the background, and it influences how you see yourself and the world around you.

Positive vs. Negative Self-Talk

There’s a big difference between positive and negative self-talk.Positive self-talk is an inner monologue that makes you feel good about yourself and everything going on in your life. It’s an optimistic voice in your head that encourages you to look at the bright side, pick yourself up when you fall and recognize when you fail. Positive self-talk tells you things like “I’m doing my best” or “I don’t feel too great today, but things could be worse.” It allows you to look at the bright side and encourage yourself. On the other hand, negative self-talk makes you feel bad about yourself and your overall life. For example, you might say, “Everything is terrible right now” or “I’m not smart enough to do this. I should do better” or "I haven't studied much , lots left , can I score good?"

How you feel about yourself can hinge on promoting positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk. Often, we take negative things people say to us and replay it in our heads over and over. Eventually, we hear the message from ourselves so often that we start to feel angry, fearful or even guilty. Overwriting these thoughts with positive self-talk changes those feelings to joy, optimism and contentment.

·         “Loving or hating the life you are living is solely all in your repeated self-talk.” – Edward Mbiaka

·          “Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.” – Beverly Engel, “The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — And Start Standing Up for Yourself”

Positive self-talk is a crucial, effective strategy you can use to combat any time of discomfort.

This is why you will often see athletes mumbling to themselves before a game. They’ve been taught how to get in the right headspace for the challenges ahead of them. The beauty of self-talk is that it isn’t just great for sports. Parents, employees — anyone, really, can use self-talk to bring themselves into a more solid and positive frame of mind.

How does self-talk work?

Although positive self-talk comes naturally to some, most people need to learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and dispel the negative ones. With practice, it can become more natural to think good thoughts rather than bad ones.

Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is supportive and affirming. Consider the following two inner statements:

• “I’m going to speak up in the meeting today because I have something important to contribute.” This sounds like a positive plan and attitude.
• “I don’t think I want to speak up in the meeting today because I’ll look foolish if I say the wrong thing.” Contrast this negative comment with the statement above.

Rumination: Negative self-talk

Rumination is the flip side of positive self-talk. It happens when you replay upsetting or cringe-worthy thoughts or events over and over again in your head. Thinking through a problem can be useful, but if you spend a lot of time ruminating, small issues tend to snowball. Constant rumination can make you more likely to experience depression or anxiety.

This statement show negative thoughts can grow and become self-defeating:

“I look so fat in this dress. I really am fat. Look at those thighs. No wonder I can’t get a date. Why can’t I lose weight? It’s impossible.”

Language matters

Researchers have found that it’s not just about what you say to yourself, it’s also the language that you use to say it. One 2014 report describes the role of language in self-talk. What’s the key? When practicing self-talk, don’t refer to yourself in the first person, such as “I” or “me.” Instead, refer to yourself in the third person, using “he” or “she,” or refer to yourself by name.

Brené Brown, professor at the University of Houston Graduate College and motivational speaker, refers to the negative voices in her head as her gremlins. By giving her negative thoughts a name, she’s both stepping away from them and poking fun at them.

The report goes on to say that using the third person in self-talk can help you step back and think more objectively about your response and emotions, whether you’re thinking about a past event or looking into the future. It can also help you reduce stress and anxiety.

If self-talk is negative, reflecting back the criticism you feel from others, you will automatically impose self-limitations that may take years to overcome.

On the contrary, if the self-talk is positive, you can create a piece of armor to rely on for defense; whether it’s a work event or speaking in front of the room or seeking help from a co-worker, making new friends or defending oneself against a horrible boss, self-talk is extremely powerful.

EXAMPLE: Pradeep used to stammer while reading and talking. His classmates make fun of him .The laughter and comments made him feel exposed and hurt, because there was a part of him that almost believed them. After all, he could not read flawlessly, so the kids were peeling the scab off a very real vulnerability.

That is why bullying is so damaging — it keys into deeply personal, truly embarrassing parts of a child’s psyche and seems to validate them. When a child utilizes self-talk as a response, he can shed the victim role and feel empowered instead.

In this case, Pradeep didn't give in to the insecurity or tear . He sat alone and breathed deeply. He could hear his father’s voice in his head: “People just don’t understand greatness,” he told him. “They don’t know what it looks like. You’ve just got to push through this.”

I am, I can, I will, I thought fiercely. These people just don’t understand me. I will get through this. It was important to own that I was going through a difficult time, but believe I would get through it. Those positive affirmations helped deflect some of the bullets being fired at him.

In order for you to connect with others, you have to first be comfortable who you see in the mirror.

Self-talk is your internal dialogue. It’s influenced by your subconscious mind, and it reveals your thoughts, beliefs, questions, and ideas.

Positive thinking and optimism can be effective stress management tools. Indeed, having a more positive outlook on life can provide you with some health benefits. For example, one 2010 study shows optimists have a better quality of life.

If you believe your self-talk is too negative, or if you want to emphasize positive self-talk, you can learn to shift that inner dialogue. It can help you be a more positive person, and it may improve your health.

Why is it good for you?

Self-talk can enhance your performance and general well-being. For example, research shows self-talk can help athletes with performance. It may help them with endurance or to power through a set of heavy weights.

Furthermore, positive self-talk and a more optimistic outlook can have other health benefits, including:

• increased vitality
• greater life satisfaction
• improved immune function
• reduced pain
• better cardiovascular health
• better physical well-being
• reduced risk for death
• less stress and distress

It’s not clear why optimists and individuals with more positive self-talk experience these benefits. However, research suggests people with positive self-talk may have mental skills that allow them to solve problems, think differently, and be more efficient at coping with hardships or challenges. This can reduce the harmful effects of stress and anxiety.

How does it work?

Before you can learn to practice more self-talk, you must first identify negative thinking. This type of thinking and self-talk generally falls into four categories:

• Personalizing. You blame yourself for everything.
• Magnifying. You focus on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring any and all of the positive.
• Catastrophizing. You expect the worst, and you rarely let logic or reason persuade you otherwise.
• Polarizing. You see the world in black and white, or good and bad. There’s nothing in between and no middle ground for processing and      categorizing life events.

When you begin to recognize your types of negative thinking, you can work to turn them into positive thinking. This task requires practice and time and doesn’t develop overnight. The good news is that is can be done. A 2012 study shows even small children can learn to correct negative self-talk.

What are some examples?

These scenarios are examples of when and how you can turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Again, it takes practice. Recognizing some of your own negative self-talk in these scenarios may help you develop skills to flip the thought when it occurs.

Negative: I’ll disappoint everyone if I change my mind.

Positive: I have the power to change my mind. Others will understand.

Negative: I failed and embarrassed myself.

Positive: I’m proud of myself for even trying. That took courage.

Negative: I’m overweight and out of shape. I might as well not bother.

Positive: I am capable and strong, and I want to get healthier for me.

Negative: I let everyone on my team down when I didn’t score.

Positive: Sports are a team event. We win and lose together.

Negative: I’ve never done this before and I’ll be bad at it.

Positive: This is a wonderful opportunity for me to learn from others and grow.

Negative: There’s just no way this will work.

Positive: I can and will give it my all to make it work.

How do I use this on a daily basis?

Positive self-talk takes practice if it’s not your natural instinct. If you’re generally more pessimistic, you can learn to shift your inner dialogue to be more encouraging and uplifting.

However, forming a new habit takes time and effort. Over time, your thoughts can shift. Positive self-talk can become your norm. These tips can help:

• Identify negative self-talk traps. Certain scenarios may increase your self-doubt and lead to more negative self-talk. Work events, for example, may be particularly hard. Pinpointing when you experience the most negative self-talk can help you anticipate and prepare.
• Check in with your feelings. Stop during events or bad days and evaluate your self-talk. Is it becoming negative? How can you turn it around?
• Find the humor. Laughter can help relieve stress and tension. When you need a boost for positive self-talk, find ways to laugh, such as watching funny animal videos or a comedian.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Whether or not you notice it, you can absorb the outlook and emotions of people around you. This includes negative and positive, so choose positive people when you can.
• Give yourself positive affirmations. Sometimes, seeing positive words or inspiring images can be enough to redirect your thoughts. Post small reminders in your office, in your home, and anywhere you spend a significant amount of time.

You can only win

Banishing your inner critic and learning how to have productive, positive inner conversations has no downside. Some people may find it easier than others to adopt positive self-talk. Others may have to give it more time and put more effort into it. Either way, it’s a worthwhile step toward bettering yourself and improving your sense of self-worth

GOOD LUCK !