NEUROSCIENCE AND DECISION-MAKING POWER

Neuroscience and Decision-making power

Neuroscience reveals what appears to be instinctive is actually the result of deliberate practice and extensive experience.

Practice and experience allow the brain to match a pattern and respond appropriately without conscious thought. What we think as intuition isn't intuition at all. 

Remember the time when you had to make a difficult decision and it ended up being the right one? Well, what was the process your brain went through to make that decision? In this article, we’ll find out about what is the decision-making process is and how it works.

The decision-making process

There is a 7-step process involved in the decision-making process.

• Step 1: Identify the decision. This is the step when you realize that a decision needs to be made. For example, “Should I order some take-out Chinese food tonight?”

• Step 2: Collect relevant information. This second step involves gathering information that is essential and important to the decision before the decision is made. This information includes: what information is needed, the sources to get the information from, and then how to get the information. This second step uses both internal and external efforts. The internal effort involves finding information through a process of self-assessment. The external effort comes from finding the information from outside sources like books, other people, and the internet. For example, finding a Chinese food restaurant that meets your needs.

• Step 3: Identify the alternatives. This third step involves the likelihood that you have found other possible choices to make the decision. This step means using creativity and finding desirable alternatives. For example, realizing you could also go to the restaurant to pick-up the food, or even order something different, such as Italian food.

• Step 4: Weigh the evidence. Using the information gathered and the emotions that you have, this step involves imagining each alternative to the choice until the effects of the decision to wear off and are no longer effective. It’s essential to think about whether or not they need in Step 1 will be met or figured out by each alternative. During the process of Step 4 and weighing the evidence and options, your brain will begin to favor those that have a higher potential for reaching your end goal. At the end of Step 4, the alternate choices will be ordered based on your own value system. For example, if by getting Chinese food as delivery, I won’t need to leave home. However, it would be healthier to walk to the restaurant a few blocks away and get the food.

• Step 5: Choose among the alternatives. Once all of the evidence is weighed, Step 5 kicks in and finalizes the choices. This means that your choice is made. For example, deciding to walk to the restaurant to pick up the take-out order.

• Step 6: Taking action. By taking action in Step 6, you’re simply implementing and putting into action the choice in Step 5. For example, walking to the restaurant to pick up the food.

• Step 7: Reviewing the decision and its consequences. This means the decision is made and it’s time to evaluate whether or not they need in Step 1 was met or not. For example, the fact that you know have Chinese food take-out for dinner tonight means that the decision was successful.

But there are times we take decision without knowing that we are taking any decision. It is in just fraction of seconds. It's involuntary. So for such involuntary, intuitive decisions, another pattern of decision making follows, which you will find at the end of the article.

Decision Making Process

As Jeff Haden states, Chess grandmasters sometimes perform exhibitions where they simultaneously play -- and win -- multiple games of speed chess while blindfolded. Clearly, they can memorize each board.

Or not.

In a famous study, Adriaan de Groot asked expert and novice chess players to view a position for a few seconds and then reconstruct it from memory. When the position was one that could occur in real games, the experts performed significantly better than novices.

But when the position was created by placing pieces at random, the experts performed no better than novices.

Why? The experts had seen and analyzed countless chess positions. They knew and recognized patterns and instinctively connected a new pattern to ones they already knew.

But they couldn't relate a random pattern to anything they knew.

In short, chess grandmasters aren't necessarily better at memorizing positions. But they are definitely better at recognizing positions. They've taken advantage of what, neuroscience calls chunking, parsing, and grouping information in the most efficient way possible.

As Barbara Oakley, an engineering professor at Oakland University and whose Learning How to Learn is a hugely popular online course, says, "Chunking is the mother of all learning ... when you know something so well that it is basically a snap to call it to mind and do it or use it. Creating neural patterns -- neural chunks -- underpins the development of all expertise."

In short, extensive practice and deep experience help experts make what appear to be instinctive decisions. They know -- without thinking about why they know.

That's why experienced doctors can often, within seconds, arrive at an accurate diagnosis. Why experienced investors can make quick decisions about a trade or position. Why experienced leaders can quickly read a team and grasp the interpersonal dynamics and conflicting agendas that took years to form. 

And that's how Steve Jobs could walk back into Apple and immediately decide which products to cut to save the company. Jobs had spent years engrossed in design, usability, quality, branding ... Through deliberate practice and extensive experience, Jobs had become an expert in technology strategies, consumer behavior, and branding. 

The results? He could make quick, seemingly instinctive decisions about a product's value. He knew, without having to know why he knew.

And so can you. The ability to make quick decisions isn't a skill you either have or don't have; it's a skill that results from extensive, ongoing practice. So intuition is nothing but persistent practice and sub-conscious observations we make.

Neural chunks help to make good decisions, at speed. 

When Jobs returned to Apple, according to Walter Isaacson's biography Steve Jobs, the company was a "paragon of dysfunctional management and fumbled techno-dreams, back in crisis mode, scrambling lugubriously in slow motion to deal with imploding sales, a floundering technology strategy, and a hemorrhaging brand name." 

Jobs needed to make decisions. Fast. And he did.

But he wasn't born with the ability to imagine and create great products. He developed expertise and experience. He relentlessly thought, explored, practiced, and analyzed the results so he could continue to build mastery.

 

Which allowed him, when he needed it most, to know, even though, at the moment, he may not have known why he knew.

And so can you.

But not because you're lucky, but because you put in the time to practice and gain experience that allows you to know why, later, you knew you were right.

One way to create neural chunks is to follow Adam Grant's simple three-step process:

1. Learn something, and then quiz yourself. Quizzing helps you practice retrieving information 

2. Teach someone else. Research shows that even just expecting to teach helps you learn more effectively.

3. Connect what you've learned to something you already know. "Associative learning" not only creates context and meaning, but it also allows you to only need to remember differences and nuances. (Which is how chess grandmasters can play blindfolded.)

Good Luck

Microhabits for Successful Life

Breakthroughs don’t change your life. Micro habits do.

Benjamin Hardy compares this concept to compounding interest, and how, given the choice, most people would take $1,000,000 in their bank account right now as opposed to a penny that doubles in value over the month.

What most people don’t realize is that those who take the big payout end up with significantly less money than those who opt for the cent per day. He explains: “The doubling penny actually ends up being 10.7 million dollars. Yet, the majority of the growth happens at the very end, and most people aren’t patient enough for the big return. They live for the moment the culture of today stops people from investing.”

The point is that if you want to have a completely different life in a year or two, you need to start now, and you need to start small. Here, are impactful micro habits you can begin tonight.

1. Try to be rejected more. 

Every day, reach out to one or two people who you’d like to work with, even if you are certain they would have no reason to respond.

It could be a potential employer, Good Luck organization at which you’d like to speak, or even a book agent, or client you’d love to work with. You might not hear back at first, but eventually, you will get a response from someone. You have nothing to lose, but potentially a lot to gain.

2. Write one paragraph.

Whether you have a book you’ve always dreamt of authoring, a business plan that’s been in the back of your mind for a while, or even just a blog you want to start, write just a few sentences each day. The momentum will build on its own and you’ll find yourself effortlessly writing more and more… but commit to just beginning with one paragraph.

3. Check your bank account.

Make it a habit to check in on all of your accounts at least once a day. If that sounds like a lot, it’s because it is. But what’s important is that you’re keeping yourself aware of exactly what you have, and where it’s going. Getting a better grip on your finances begins with having a consistently accurate mental layout of your accounts.

4. Get used to maintenance.

Aspirational tropes want you to believe that living your best life is like running a victory lap every day. In reality, it is more like being willing to tend to the unglamorous maintenance of things, like chores, cleaning, healthy cooking, staying current on bills and work assignments, or making time for exercise.

The quality of your life will be directly and drastically improved if you can incorporate necessary maintenance into your daily routine, and learn to see it as something that helps you rather than hinders you from having a great time.

5. Choose comfort for your future self over comfort right now. 

If you want to change your life, you need to start considering the needs and wants of your future self over the ones you have right now. Prioritizing how you feel and what you want at the moment is what lead you here. Instead, commit to making choices for the benefit of your future self. The idea that “being present” means disregarding anything but your most base instincts and desires is not enlightenment, it is self-destruction.

6. Be more responsive. 

If someone sends a text, answer it when you see it. As often as you are able, respond to important emails as they come in. This will ensure that you aren’t left with a backlog of work that needs to be tended to.

7. Be less reactive.

When you see or hear something that immediately enrages you or upsets you (even if it’s just a negative thought that crops up in your head) before reacting to it and pouring your energy into it, question it. Figure out where it came from, and ask yourself whom your reaction to it would serve. Learning to take that micro-pause between a stimulus and your response will change the way you look at everything.

8. Fulfill your base needs.

You are not a machine, but in some ways, your body and life do require that you feel it in certain ways to keep it running. Eat when you are hungry. Sleep when you are tired. Trying to deny the importance of your most basic requirements for functioning does not mean you are busy and important, it means you are ignorant and setting yourself up for a breakdown or burnout.

9. Curate your sphere of influence.

You know that the people you spend the most time with have a significant impact on who you will become.

But do you also realize that what you are surrounding yourself with and putting into your head is having just as much, if not even more, of an effect on you? Take a serious look at who you follow online and what their presence on your newsfeed does for you, or perhaps how cluttered your home or office space is. This is your environment, and it is having a silent, and often subconscious, impact on you at all times.

10. Take action when you want to do something.

In Mel Robbin’s The 5 Second Rule, she explains that a lot of what holds people back in those few seconds between when you have an amazing idea, and when your brain interferes. She says that to really move your life forward, you need to act on your ideas before you convince yourself not to.

11. Take action when you don’t.

At the same time, it’s imperative to learn that just because you do not feel like doing something does not mean you are incapable of doing it. Your feelings do not impact your ability.

Good Luck

Never Give Up

Affirmations that will change your Life

If you believe the phrase you are what you think, then life truly stems from your thoughts. But we cannot rely purely on thoughts; we must translate thoughts into words and eventually into actions in order to manifest our intentions. This means we have to be very careful with our words, choosing to speak only those which work towards our benefit and cultivate our highest good. Affirmations help purify our thoughts and restructure the dynamic of our brains so that we truly begin to think nothing is impossible. The word affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare, originally meaning "to make steady, strengthen."

Affirmations do indeed strengthen us by helping us believe in the potential of an action we desire to manifest. When we verbally affirm our dreams and ambitions, we are instantly empowered with a deep sense of reassurance that our wishful words will become reality.

Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains. Much like exercise, they raise the level of feel-good hormones and push our brains to form new clusters of "positive thoughts" neurons. In the sequence of thought-speech-action, affirmations play an integral role by breaking patterns of negative thoughts, negative speech, and, in turn, negative actions.

The art of the spoken word is critical in crafting our futures. it is my firm belief and experience that we influence the universe word by word. If we dictate to it our wishes, it will respond. When we utter a sound, we emit a sound wave into the universe. This sound wave pierces through the air and becomes a real object. It therefore exists in our world, intangible and invisible. No words are empty words, as every syllable we speak engages energy towards or against us. If you constantly say "I can't," the energy of your words will repel the universal force against you. But if you say "I can!" the universe will endow you with the abilities to do just that. So speak away; relinquish your fears and purge your anger, predict your own future and live up to your potential with the affirmations that will change your life:Here I am listing few -

1.) I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.

2.) Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.

3.) My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.

4.) I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

5.) I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.

6.) I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.

7.) A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.

8.) I am guided in my every step by Spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.

9.) (If you're married) My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day.

10.) I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

Good luck

Banish Depression From Your System

We need to understand what depression is. Now, what is a “low”? What is it that happens within you? Fundamentally, you expected something to happen and it did not happen. You expected somebody or something to be your way or the world or the destiny to be your way, and it did not happen. In other words, you are simply against what is happening; that’s all. Maybe you are against a person, maybe you are against a whole situation, maybe you are against life itself. Accordingly, the depression will run deeper and deeper.

Why are you against something? Only because things did not go your way, isn’t it? Why should the whole world go your way? Please know, the world does not go your stupid way. Either you have no faith in the creator or you have no acceptance, or both, and you have a hyper-sensitive ego. That is why you get depressed.

Depression makes you cynical and is deeply self damaging. Depressed people only hurt themselves more. Killing need not necessarily mean physical killing. A depressed person is always trying to cause more damage to himself. A man who goes out with the sword and kills somebody, his ego is not as sensitive and it does not need as much nurturing as a depressed man’s ego. The violent man can be very easily settled. Have you seen this on the streets? When people get into a fight, if there is one man with a little wisdom, if he just handles them right, those people who are trying to kill each other one moment, the next moment, they will drop it and become friends and go off. But this is not so with the depressed person. He will carry this for life. Whether they do it consciously or not, these people go on sharpening their knife and cutting their own heart. Why will a person go on hurting himself? Generally it is to get sympathy. For a very depressed person, normal sympathy is not sufficient; somebody should bleed with him.

Now what is there in you that can get hurt? If I beat your body with a stick, the body will get hurt; that’s different. Otherwise, what is it that gets hurt within you? Just the ego, isn’t it? The mind and the inner nature cannot get hurt. It is only the ego tgat gets hurt . So if you are saying, “I want to grow,” growth means going beyond this, trampling your ego and going ahead.

One can make any emotion into a creative force in their life. If your sadness reminds you that you are incomplete, it is good; make use of your sadness to grow. But, when you get sad, if you are going to get irritable and angry, and that whole world is wrong, you are a fool. Do you want to make this sadness into anger or into love and compassion? It is very easy when you are sad, to become compassionate. It is already a dissolving kind of energy; you can use it for further dissolution which leads you to your ultimate well-being.

Depression makes you cynical and is deeply self- damaging. Depressed people only hurt themselves more.

The unfortunate reality with people right now is that their humanity will function only when they are mauled by life. For most people, maturity will not happen without knowing sadness and pain. Otherwise they never understand what is happening with them and with anybody else around them.

Depression can be handled at the level of the body, mind and the energies. If the necessary balance and vibrancy is brought about in the physical, mental and energy bodies, to be blissful is very natural. This balance can be achieved through yoga and, meditation. Beside forming some Self- healing groups in society could provide a medium to vent one' s emotions. But first of all we need to accept depression natural and part and parcel of life.If we understand its existence and are deviced to handle it on both inner and outer platform then that necessary balance of life could be attained very smoothly. Because in a blissful being, depression can never exist.

THE BEST WAY TO TEACH KIDS GRATITUDE

Reading time : 3 min 25 sec

In today’s world, it’s not all that easy. You have all these materialistic things flashing in front of your face on social media, television, and everywhere you go – someone always has the latest gadget.

Our kids see this. They see us with our Phone stapled to our hand, and they are modeling our behavior.

We live in a very materialistic world without gratitude. We live in a world where technology at times seems to take priority over people. Instilling gratitude is now more important than ever! It defines their perspective towards helping people. The art of giving is probably the most humane thing we can ask our little toddler to do.

Parenting is not an easy thing. Children’s minds are like water. It can change any shape, just needed proper guidance.

HOW TO TEACH KIDS GRATITUDE

The most creative and inspiring idea that came across while reading one article was a very simple tip to raise grateful children.

It all starts with hard work, generosity, and kindness. We could name it as Doing Good Day or Gratitude day

First, the kids had to do chores to earn money to give away! It's a mind-blowing tip. The kids would vacuum, sweep, take out the garbage or any simple helping task, to earn money to serve others. (That’s right, their allowance will be  used to serve others, not to self-serve). After they earned their money, they would spend the remainder of the day serving their society.

 Time to start earning and sharing!

HOW TO PLAN YOUR OWN GRATITUDE DAY

Choose one day per month.

Have your kids do chores to earn money beforehand or the actual day.

Have your kids use their money to buy ingredients to make goods for others or use the money to donate to others in need.

Talk about the experience. What happened, how did you all feel afterward, and how can you serve others better next time? How can you persevere and push forward?

BEST PART?

When this becomes routine you will be surprised to see your children excited to help others. By doing simple chores to earn money they will acknowledge the value of money.

 I started this 2 years back on my son's birthday when we bought gifts for less privileged children. Then we practiced this frequently by sharing toys, clothes, etc. This is something many of us do especially on occasions like birthday or so. But this practice needs to be organized to get long term results. As it is easy to share what we don't use. But it takes effort to earn something and just give it away. 

This simple act of giving is a very powerful tool for developing gratitude in children. And to those of you who are unaware of the power of gratitude must understand gratitude as the magnetic power which attracts all the good in one's life if practiced regularly. Inculcating gratitude in our children at a young age would be the greatest gift we as parents could transfer to our generations.

 Its a great skill developer and personality booster when little kids develop the mindset that they should work, earn, and give to others.

The most interesting part was when we practiced it on regular basis I could see his eagerness to work. In fact, he understood the value of little things. He started understanding that we as parents have to work really hard as we work daily to give it to our kids. He felt great and it boosted his self-esteem also.

All it took was one day per month to teach gratitude. 

We live in a materialistic world, where we walk into people right in front of us because we are too consumed with the latest update on our Phone. Sometimes we have to remember to swipe to left, power down, and look to our community members in need and offer to help. We need to learn to savor the moment with each other. 

In this time of crisis of COVID-19, it becomes more relevant to live as a community and take responsibility. Lack of gratitude and selflessness is the reason why only one Sonu Sood, came forward for migrants help in this country of 1380 million or 138 crores. Why the only a handful of NGOs are working for society. Think about it. As parents, it's our utmost responsibility to nurture our children as responsible citizens.

Talk of any problem with our society: Robbery, Rape, Murder, Mob lynching, Corporate politics, Politics in general, Corruption in every sphere etc.etc.

Can a person with gratitude and serving nature get involved in any of the above practices ??  The answer is NO. THINK OVER IT. These malpractices bud out of dissatisfaction, jealousy, ungratefulness, low self-esteem, and incapacity to handle hard circumstances.

We can all make a difference with just one Do Good Day a month!

GOOD LUCK! 

Do share your experiences in the comment box.

Tips to Raise a Happy Child

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Happiness is not just a feeling but it is a learned skill. How can I make sure that my child grows up to be a happy person? 

Here are a few tips on teaching them how to be happy.

Psychologist and author David Palmiter says to consider gratitude. It’s hard to be happy when you can’t appreciate the good things in life. Teaching kids how to be grateful. One easy way to do this is to go around the table at dinnertime, having each family member say something that they are grateful for.

Exemplify this concept by being generous to others and openly grateful to those who are generous with you. Kids who see gratitude and graciousness being modeled for them are more likely to cultivate traits like optimism, a common characteristic of happy and well-balanced people. 

It is observed that kids who live in happy environment with joyful parents tend to be charming. So as parents never miss to smile oftenly. We get so endorsed in our day to day stress that we have long forgotten the child we use to be. We have the golden opportunity to relive our childhood with our children. Hugging , cuddling and simple phrase like I love you, should be practiced oftenly throughout the day. Always appreciate them for their little achievements whether it be as small as doing brush on their own. When someone appreciate us we feel good and motivated as well.

Teach kids that happiness is a choice and that if things are bad, they can be changed. Let your kids see you focusing on the positive aspects of a situation. Try not to brood or over-dramatize when things go wrong. Allow your children opportunities to see how fortunate they are. Service to others is a great way for kids to see that they have a lot to be thankful for. Expressing thankfulness is important, too. Have kids write letters to friends and family members telling what they appreciate about those people. 

 

Psychologist and author Lee Hausner advises that parents be careful about how they define “happiness” for their child. Choosing to indulge a child in order to make him or her happy in the moment can ironically lead to profound unhappiness later in life. Kids who are never told “no” tend to grow up with a sense of entitlement and subsequent poor coping skills. If they don’t get what they want from an employer, friend, or spouse they will become unreasonably upset and may struggle with finding genuine happiness in their life. Instead, focus on fostering your child’s sense of confidence and competence. They should feel loved regardless of all else and they should feel that they are inherently good enough to accomplish their goals and to be successful. This should be balanced out by an understanding that disappointments are inevitable, and can be recovered from. To underscore the important role parents play in helping their child to grow up as a person who has the capacity for true happiness, you’ll be as happy as your least happy child.

 

There is a chain reaction - Happy Parents= Happy child= Happy citizen= Happy society= Happy region= Happy country= Happy world and for this chain to go on your inner world should be happy first. So don't break the chain. BE HAPPY AND SPREAD HAPINESS.

 

GOOD LUCK ! 

Meet Sushma Verma, India’s youngest M.Sc. at 15

Lucknow’s Child Prodigy Sushma Verma Beats Odds To Soar Higher

 It is often said that success comes to those who strive for it with greater force and conviction. For child wonder, Sushma Verma her inherent genius coupled with a pinch of luck has done wonders for her at a tender age.

Lucknow-based Sushma Verma has been hitting the headlines for quite a few years now.

She first shot into the spotlight in 2007 when she broke all past records to become the youngest matriculate in the country.

At seven, she made it to the Limca Book of Records. Sushma had beaten none other than her own brother Shailendra, who had passed the Uttar Pradesh High School examination at the age of nine.

Daughter of a daily wage laborer and an illiterate mother, her genius was discovered at the age of two and she was just five when she was directly enrolled in class IX in 2005. When she was seven, she got listed in the Limca Book of Records for being the ‘youngest student’ to pass class X. She was 13 when she completed her graduation and at the age of 15, she has created yet another record by finishing her M.Sc. And that too with a Semester Grade Point Average (SGPAs) of 8!

Realizing Sushma’s poor financial health, Sulabh’s chief Dr. Bindeshwari Pathak announced a grant of Rs 8,00,000 towards higher education of the child prodigy.

Interestingly Sushma hails from a family of illiterates; her parents find it difficult to even make two ends meet.

“Sushma’s mother never went to school, but I have cleared Class VIII”, asserts her father Tej Bahadur who is a class IV employee at St Meera’s Inter College in Lucknow’s Alambagh area, the same institute where Sushma completed her class 12. 

Although she lives in a single-room tenement, she’s least daunted by her financial or social odds.

“We don’t have a television at home. My only pastime is to play with my two-year-old sister Ananya,” she says.

Ever since she grew confident in charting her own career, she wanted to pursue medicine. “I always dreamed of becoming a doctor,” she says.

At the age of 10 after completing her class 12, she took the Combined Pre-Medical Test for admission to the MBBS course, but her result was withheld because the authorities found her to be underage.

That’s how she came about choosing Microbiology for her undergraduate.

She doesn’t hide her disappointment when asked about her medical dreams. “Let them not grant me admission to MBBS if I am underage, but if they could let me know whether I touched the qualifying level or not; because that would give me an idea as to where I stand in terms of fulfilling my dream to become a doctor”, pleads the 13-year old in an interview.

Her brilliance does not just shine in India. She was invited for an IQ test in Japan where she competed with 35 other students of her age and stood first.

Clearing the course with flying colours with a grade point average of 8, the daughter of a sanitation worker never looked back. In 2007, she entered the Limca Book of Records as the youngest student to clear class X exams. Even her elder brother Shailendra completed his graduation in Computer science at the age of 14 and cleared matriculation when he was nine.

At a time when the country talks in terms of Beti Bachao Beti Padhao, this girl in UP’s capital Lucknow is a perfect example of how if given a chance to spread their wings and fly, girls in today’s day and age are second to none.

India has often been prey to medieval mindsets where girls are discouraged from going to school and getting educated. Women in some parts of the country are still seen as typical homemakers who are supposed to stay at home, do household chores, take care of family, and serve instead. But like Bob Dylan once famously sang – Times they are changing.

Good Luck 

To Be More Successful, Start Living by the 2-Week Rule

To Be More Successful, Start Living by the 2-Week Rule

Even though achieving your biggest goals may take a long time, the battle will be won or lost in the first two weeks.

We all have huge goals we want to achieve. Yet very few people achieve their goals.

Maybe that's because we assume our individuality means we need to create and shape a unique process designed to achieve a goal. After all, you know yourself better than anyone.

Or not. Most of our limits are self-imposed. You can always do more than you think.

That's why the plans and processes you create for yourself rarely work. You're willing to work hard--but not too hard. You're willing to work long--but not too long. You're willing to push yourself--but hey, you're not going to go crazy.

So you start slow. You start soft. You start with a mental safety net.

And within days, the resulting lack of progress forces you to confront the huge gulf between here and there, between where you currently are and where you someday hope to be, and the renewed willpower and determination it will require to keep pushing forward.  

Which is the moment, and the reason, we usually quit. Not because you didn't want it badly enough. Not because you don't have the mental toughness. Not because your goal wasn't important or meaningful or worthwhile.

But because you started slow and soft and safe.

And never gave yourself a chance.

Next time, try this. Find a person who has done what you want to do. Who started a business. Who ran a marathon. Who cleared any tough exam. Who lost 30 kgs. Who achieved a level of financial freedom.

Find someone who won't sugarcoat the effort involved, and will tell you that if you want to build a business, your first day will require making 40 cold calls. That if you want to run a marathon, your first day will require running-walking three miles. That for clearing an exam you have to study 10 hr in a day. That if you want to achieve a certain level of financial freedom, your first day will require cutting every discretionary expense to the bone.

Find someone, who could illustrate the process.

And then commit to following that process for two weeks.

The Two-Week Rule

Yep: Two weeks. No matter what.

Why? One, you can do anything for two weeks. (If you can't, then you've clearly chosen a goal that doesn't mean enough to you.) 

More important, at the end of two weeks you will have enjoyed some level of success. Of improvement. Of return on effort.

And you'll realize that the distance between here and there may be huge, but not insurmountable. That all you have to do is keep doing the work -- and you're more than capable of doing the work.

For two weeks, just make sure you keep your head down and focus only on what you're supposed to that day. Don't think about the next week or month. Don't think about how many more calls you have to make, or miles you need to run, or money you need to save or hours you need to study.

Just focus on today. Not tomorrow.

Do that, and by the end of the second week, you will realize you can achieve more than you ever dreamed possible.

Because this time, you gave yourself a chance to prove -- to yourself -- what you're really capable of. 

I will wait for your positive comments which I hope you will provide after two weeks of implementation. You can try this strategy for anything and everything. Let's give ourselves a task to accomplish.

Good Luck.

Empathy: is what we need today

Feeling another's anger (or disgust or fear) is critical in creating the right sense of urgency towards change, but it's not enough. Empathy, i.e., feeling what another person feels, is a means to an end. What we need now, more than ever, is compassion -- the ability to walk a mile in another person's shoes, seeing the world through their perspective, for the sake of alleviating their suffering. Put another way, compassion equals empathy plus action, and if we're going to materially change our behaviors, it will be action that we need more than anything.

Positive Self Talk: The Magic of the Mind

Self Talk is what We say to ourself about ourself and our abilities. It could be very constructive or destructive on the other side . Self talk could go on and on day in and day out reinforcing the image we have for ourself. We could be very self critic because we feel that by being self critic we are improving. But no , we are not improving instead depleting our energy and then once we start living in that negative comfort zone we get  used to it.

For example , when we witness demise of our beloved , we get trapped in the comfort zone of sadness. We have all justifications to be sad. We find it right to be sad because breaking it and coming out needs efforts . So instead of breaking out and creating something new , we start becoming comfortable even if it is painful . If that goes on for very long time we don’t even think that it can ever change and that’s why most of the time people say its my nature. There's a difference between habit and nature. Habit is acquired nature of who I am . But to the acquired habit we say this is my nature which means I cant change…don’t even ask me to do this. This is me, because I have lived in that comfort zone for a very very long time. So its very important to break free of this comfort zone, by continuously giving positive affirmations and having a positive conversation with us. Instead of continuing a pattern of negative self-talk, break the cycle and learn how you can change your outlook on life with positive thoughts that increase your self-esteem.

Understanding self-talk

Take a minute and think about what you’ve said to yourself today. Was it critical? Or was it kind and helpful? How did you feel after you engaged in this inner discussion?

Your thoughts are the source of your emotions and mood. The conversations you have with yourself can be destructive or beneficial. They influence how you feel about yourself and how you respond to events in your life.

Think of self-talk as your inner voice. While you may not have focused on it before, you’ve practiced self-talk throughout your entire life. It’s the running commentary always going on in the background, and it influences how you see yourself and the world around you.

Positive vs. Negative Self-Talk

There’s a big difference between positive and negative self-talk.Positive self-talk is an inner monologue that makes you feel good about yourself and everything going on in your life. It’s an optimistic voice in your head that encourages you to look at the bright side, pick yourself up when you fall and recognize when you fail. Positive self-talk tells you things like “I’m doing my best” or “I don’t feel too great today, but things could be worse.” It allows you to look at the bright side and encourage yourself. On the other hand, negative self-talk makes you feel bad about yourself and your overall life. For example, you might say, “Everything is terrible right now” or “I’m not smart enough to do this. I should do better” or "I haven't studied much , lots left , can I score good?"

How you feel about yourself can hinge on promoting positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk. Often, we take negative things people say to us and replay it in our heads over and over. Eventually, we hear the message from ourselves so often that we start to feel angry, fearful or even guilty. Overwriting these thoughts with positive self-talk changes those feelings to joy, optimism and contentment.

·         “Loving or hating the life you are living is solely all in your repeated self-talk.” – Edward Mbiaka

·          “Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you.” – Beverly Engel, “The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — And Start Standing Up for Yourself”

Positive self-talk is a crucial, effective strategy you can use to combat any time of discomfort.

This is why you will often see athletes mumbling to themselves before a game. They’ve been taught how to get in the right headspace for the challenges ahead of them. The beauty of self-talk is that it isn’t just great for sports. Parents, employees — anyone, really, can use self-talk to bring themselves into a more solid and positive frame of mind.

How does self-talk work?

Although positive self-talk comes naturally to some, most people need to learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and dispel the negative ones. With practice, it can become more natural to think good thoughts rather than bad ones.

Positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is supportive and affirming. Consider the following two inner statements:

• “I’m going to speak up in the meeting today because I have something important to contribute.” This sounds like a positive plan and attitude.
• “I don’t think I want to speak up in the meeting today because I’ll look foolish if I say the wrong thing.” Contrast this negative comment with the statement above.

Rumination: Negative self-talk

Rumination is the flip side of positive self-talk. It happens when you replay upsetting or cringe-worthy thoughts or events over and over again in your head. Thinking through a problem can be useful, but if you spend a lot of time ruminating, small issues tend to snowball. Constant rumination can make you more likely to experience depression or anxiety.

This statement show negative thoughts can grow and become self-defeating:

“I look so fat in this dress. I really am fat. Look at those thighs. No wonder I can’t get a date. Why can’t I lose weight? It’s impossible.”

Language matters

Researchers have found that it’s not just about what you say to yourself, it’s also the language that you use to say it. One 2014 report describes the role of language in self-talk. What’s the key? When practicing self-talk, don’t refer to yourself in the first person, such as “I” or “me.” Instead, refer to yourself in the third person, using “he” or “she,” or refer to yourself by name.

Brené Brown, professor at the University of Houston Graduate College and motivational speaker, refers to the negative voices in her head as her gremlins. By giving her negative thoughts a name, she’s both stepping away from them and poking fun at them.

The report goes on to say that using the third person in self-talk can help you step back and think more objectively about your response and emotions, whether you’re thinking about a past event or looking into the future. It can also help you reduce stress and anxiety.

If self-talk is negative, reflecting back the criticism you feel from others, you will automatically impose self-limitations that may take years to overcome.

On the contrary, if the self-talk is positive, you can create a piece of armor to rely on for defense; whether it’s a work event or speaking in front of the room or seeking help from a co-worker, making new friends or defending oneself against a horrible boss, self-talk is extremely powerful.

EXAMPLE: Pradeep used to stammer while reading and talking. His classmates make fun of him .The laughter and comments made him feel exposed and hurt, because there was a part of him that almost believed them. After all, he could not read flawlessly, so the kids were peeling the scab off a very real vulnerability.

That is why bullying is so damaging — it keys into deeply personal, truly embarrassing parts of a child’s psyche and seems to validate them. When a child utilizes self-talk as a response, he can shed the victim role and feel empowered instead.

In this case, Pradeep didn't give in to the insecurity or tear . He sat alone and breathed deeply. He could hear his father’s voice in his head: “People just don’t understand greatness,” he told him. “They don’t know what it looks like. You’ve just got to push through this.”

I am, I can, I will, I thought fiercely. These people just don’t understand me. I will get through this. It was important to own that I was going through a difficult time, but believe I would get through it. Those positive affirmations helped deflect some of the bullets being fired at him.

In order for you to connect with others, you have to first be comfortable who you see in the mirror.

Self-talk is your internal dialogue. It’s influenced by your subconscious mind, and it reveals your thoughts, beliefs, questions, and ideas.

Positive thinking and optimism can be effective stress management tools. Indeed, having a more positive outlook on life can provide you with some health benefits. For example, one 2010 study shows optimists have a better quality of life.

If you believe your self-talk is too negative, or if you want to emphasize positive self-talk, you can learn to shift that inner dialogue. It can help you be a more positive person, and it may improve your health.

Why is it good for you?

Self-talk can enhance your performance and general well-being. For example, research shows self-talk can help athletes with performance. It may help them with endurance or to power through a set of heavy weights.

Furthermore, positive self-talk and a more optimistic outlook can have other health benefits, including:

• increased vitality
• greater life satisfaction
• improved immune function
• reduced pain
• better cardiovascular health
• better physical well-being
• reduced risk for death
• less stress and distress

It’s not clear why optimists and individuals with more positive self-talk experience these benefits. However, research suggests people with positive self-talk may have mental skills that allow them to solve problems, think differently, and be more efficient at coping with hardships or challenges. This can reduce the harmful effects of stress and anxiety.

How does it work?

Before you can learn to practice more self-talk, you must first identify negative thinking. This type of thinking and self-talk generally falls into four categories:

• Personalizing. You blame yourself for everything.
• Magnifying. You focus on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring any and all of the positive.
• Catastrophizing. You expect the worst, and you rarely let logic or reason persuade you otherwise.
• Polarizing. You see the world in black and white, or good and bad. There’s nothing in between and no middle ground for processing and      categorizing life events.

When you begin to recognize your types of negative thinking, you can work to turn them into positive thinking. This task requires practice and time and doesn’t develop overnight. The good news is that is can be done. A 2012 study shows even small children can learn to correct negative self-talk.

What are some examples?

These scenarios are examples of when and how you can turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Again, it takes practice. Recognizing some of your own negative self-talk in these scenarios may help you develop skills to flip the thought when it occurs.

Negative: I’ll disappoint everyone if I change my mind.

Positive: I have the power to change my mind. Others will understand.

Negative: I failed and embarrassed myself.

Positive: I’m proud of myself for even trying. That took courage.

Negative: I’m overweight and out of shape. I might as well not bother.

Positive: I am capable and strong, and I want to get healthier for me.

Negative: I let everyone on my team down when I didn’t score.

Positive: Sports are a team event. We win and lose together.

Negative: I’ve never done this before and I’ll be bad at it.

Positive: This is a wonderful opportunity for me to learn from others and grow.

Negative: There’s just no way this will work.

Positive: I can and will give it my all to make it work.

How do I use this on a daily basis?

Positive self-talk takes practice if it’s not your natural instinct. If you’re generally more pessimistic, you can learn to shift your inner dialogue to be more encouraging and uplifting.

However, forming a new habit takes time and effort. Over time, your thoughts can shift. Positive self-talk can become your norm. These tips can help:

• Identify negative self-talk traps. Certain scenarios may increase your self-doubt and lead to more negative self-talk. Work events, for example, may be particularly hard. Pinpointing when you experience the most negative self-talk can help you anticipate and prepare.
• Check in with your feelings. Stop during events or bad days and evaluate your self-talk. Is it becoming negative? How can you turn it around?
• Find the humor. Laughter can help relieve stress and tension. When you need a boost for positive self-talk, find ways to laugh, such as watching funny animal videos or a comedian.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Whether or not you notice it, you can absorb the outlook and emotions of people around you. This includes negative and positive, so choose positive people when you can.
• Give yourself positive affirmations. Sometimes, seeing positive words or inspiring images can be enough to redirect your thoughts. Post small reminders in your office, in your home, and anywhere you spend a significant amount of time.

You can only win

Banishing your inner critic and learning how to have productive, positive inner conversations has no downside. Some people may find it easier than others to adopt positive self-talk. Others may have to give it more time and put more effort into it. Either way, it’s a worthwhile step toward bettering yourself and improving your sense of self-worth

GOOD LUCK !